Sunday, November 4, 2012

By the Breast... My experience

The other day I was searching through some photos online and I came across a very upsetting photo.  This photo was of a child breastfeeding. The upsetting part, it was blacked out with a BIG BLACK BOX. This made me sick to my stomach, and is COMPLETELY unacceptable. A child at the breast is one of the most amazing things, not to mention it is what the the woman's body is built for.

My attempts at breastfeeding were short lived due to lack of support and in the second time a surgery that my son had to undergo. I have dreams that I am still able to nurse my little man, who is two years old now. I feel as though I was robbed of the right to breastfeed. Doctors told me that my son wasn't growing, and I absolutely had to supplement with formula, though I put off actually doing so for as long as I could. The day the home health nurse came and weighed him, and he weighed 6 pounds 11 ounces at the ripe old age of 3 months, I gave him formula that night, as I burped him, he spewed formula like a fire extinguisher. I immediately called our 24 hour on-call nurse hotline. The nurse advised that we not feed him anymore formula, and try to keep his liquid intake as small as possible.
The next morning, I called the clinic and spoke to triage, they got us an appointment set up for the same day. We arrived to see a physician that we were not familiar with, as ours was out of the office that day. After an ultrasound of his tummy and a whole lot of confusion, we were back at the clinic in the office of our normal doctor's partner. He informed us that M had a condition called Pyloric Stenosis, and it required surgery to correct. And that we would be meeting an amazing pediatric GI surgeon at the big hospital an hour away. He said that we needed to leave as soon as we can and that the pediatric department would be expecting us.
On the way to the hospital our Doctor called us to see how we were holding up after the diagnosis, and asked if we would like her to meet us at the hospital to make us more comfortable etc. When we arrived at the hospital that evening, we met a group of physician residents, a few nurses, volunteers, and the surgeon. Everyone was so great. They got him all prepped for surgery, though it wasn't until the next morning. They put a IV in his hand, and put a tube up his nose, to go down to his stomach to make sure it was completely empty. I spent the next 14 hours dipping his pacifier in a sugar solution to satisfy his hunger, and pumping my breastmilk for our stockpile for after the surgery.  His big sister spent the night with grandpa and grandma. I couldn't help but cuddle him all night even with all the hoses and cables hanging off his little body.
The next 24 hours were a whirlwind. I can remember bringing him down to surgery and kissing him goodbye, everyone told me I needed to get some rest while he was in surgery, as I hadn't slept at all. I couldn't do it though, I sat in his room and read magazine after magazine. Finally a nurse came and got me and brought me to the large, dark recovery room.With it's cage like cribs, and eerie emptiness, It scared the crap out of me. There were two nurses that we caring for him, and truly they just loved cuddling his cuteness, I sat in the glider they had next to the cage like crib, and the noticed the bags under my eyes, with sympathy, one nurse said, "your little super man came through with flying colors, would you like to hold him the rest of the time he has to be down here? I know you have been waiting a while" I responded with a sigh and a smile, and she placed him in my arms, I don't know how long we sat and rocked in that chair, but before I knew it, we were waking up the next morning in the tiny room, on a cot that felt like a mattress stuffed with straw. The nurse had come in to check his vital signs and he was crying. She finished with her duties, and I walked to his crib and picked him up. He smiled for the first time ever. I will never forget that smile. He smiled for so long that I actually had time to catch it on camera!
A couple days later they allowed him to eat, he powered through the bin of stored breastmilk, and they wouldnt let him eat off the breast, because they said it could have adverse effects on his surgery site.
By the time we ran out of breast milk he was ready to go back to the breast.
I was so excited to to get him back to the breast, but every time I tried he would not latch. They had been adding formula to the breastmilk to bump up the amount of calories he was taking in, and he wanted nothing to do with the breast after having so many bottles with formula laden breastmilk. I was upset, I cried uncontrollably, I felt like a failure, and like I was no use as a mother.
In the next month, I crashed pretty hard. I found myself wishing I didn't have children. I found myself feeling a lot of hatred towards everyone, and everything in my life. My Doctor diagnosed me with postpartum depression. I didn't see anyone for it. I sulked and hated myself for letting it happen to me. I should have stood up for my self and my son and OUR RIGHT to strictly breastfeed and use exclusively breast milk when we had to use bottles.
After meeting new friends that are parents, and advocates in breastfeeding, and attachment parenting I started seeing that in order for others to know that it is our RIGHT to use our breasts for what they are MEANT for. And it is not anyone's job to make us believe differently. I came out of the depression when i discovered that there are ways to have an attachment parent relationship without breastfeeding and we try our hardest to keep it that way in our home.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Corn maze

After being called in to work today, or rather, facebook messaged in to work today, (yea, thats how totally awesome my boss is) I got to take the kids to the local corn maze! We met up with one of my best friends, and her husband.  I decided yesterday, after borrowing a Peekaru (here) from work, that I would NOT bring a stroller, and I would wear my little man, and my 3 yr old could walk. Keep in mind, HUGE corn maze! So I suited up with my Boba carrier (here), and we got on our way! At a brisk 34 degrees tonight, my little guy was quite cozy on my back, and daughter was pretty confident marching around the maze with us. Once in a while she would get a little frightened, but eventually, she was just as into finding our way out as we were. She spent the last 20 minutes in the maze pulling my friends husband all around, until he finally picked her up and she rode the rest of the way out on his shoulders. After the maze, we got hot apple cider, and popcorn!  Such a great experience to share with my Littles.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Benefits of Babywearing

here, is some great views about babywearing vs carseat carrying, seriously, more moms need to research this!

kidbook pt.1

MY favorite time of year has come!!! The time when all of the parenting magazines show up with the "most innovative" "best" "best buys" articles that feature baby products that claim to be the best.

Today, I received the first, It came packaged with my Redbook. Its called Redbook Kidbook. Front cover states, "sweet ideas for the little ones you love" "cute clothes, shoes, toys and more under $20!" "plus *7 easy ways to pack lunch *happy up your kid's room *play together! fun family games"
 here goes my great review on the products and articles! And, more natural, america, and/or cost friendly alternatives!

20 UNDER $20 "These adorable finds with make your tykes the most tricked out (and blessed-out) kids in the neighborhood"
1. Stack-A-Doodle crayons here $10 for a set of 13 these little crayons look like Lego and are also crayons.   personally instead of buying something like this from a corporate dot com, you could buy the same thing made from recycled wax from etsy, here is a great option and you are being friendly to the environment and supporting an american crafter and child!
2. Yeti for your bed throw pillow here. $19.  Once again, you can find this type of thing handmade in the USA on etsy, or even make one yourself! Pillows are extremely easy to make!
3. Glasses a great selection of tween frames! all under $20
4. Crayola flavored lip balm here, $3.99 each.  Thinking to myself, these lip balms look like crayons... my daughter is going to be trying to write on her lips with crayons, and younger siblings are not going to understand this... not to mention, who knows what kind of junk is in those!? I recommend something along the lines of this made of beeswax and other natural and safe ingredients and its flavored like bubblegum! And it even costs less!
5. Journal, $9.95 here, from what I can find, this journal looks beautiful, and would serve its purpose well.

5 for today are DONE... I may post more later tonight.

Monday, October 22, 2012

OH mama

How is it I have half a head of grey hair? Seriously I'm 24 years old!!! Today, our entire neighborhood had to listen to little M scream! He screamed and screamed and would not calm down! all of our windows were open, and the the poor kid just threw a fit all damn day! No wonder my hair is twinged with silver! GRRR! Little B did not eat dinner for the third night in a row, her choice... the food was all laid out in front of her, but to no avail...

I have been trying my hand at attachment parenting... but its so damn hard not to lose it and hand out punishment! I catch myself mid freakout and have to give myself a count down. I try to hold them and show them love no matter what it is they have done.
Surviving a rough day in the life of a single mama. BLOG IT OUT!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Single Mama Love

So living life as an unmarried mother is really taking its toll on my head, and my heart. currently battling my ex for child support and dealing with his threats of physical harm at the same time him wanting my children that i put my entire soul into. I have had absolutely no ambition lately to keep up my home, or my current relationships. The man that is in my life, cant even begin to understand how the stress of the current events is effecting me. today my best friend, who knows how often i daydream of a wedding and marriage, asked me today if i really think that we will get married. we were at the park currently in an argument with my boyfriend over complete nonsense. He was on the playground playing with the kids while she and i sat at a table and talked. so what to do now? apologize for the stupidity of our argument today.... nope, instead i find myself wishing he would text me from work and make things right... but he will not. He will stew at work and think about all of our flaws while I am at home awake all night feeling sorry for myself, having shameful conversations with a friend.....

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christmas is coming!

so, my count down gadget says 11days 9 hours 17 minutes till Christmas! my favorite holiday. Family, Friends, Love and little white lies! we all do it...(the little white lies).... SANTA.... "oh no i didn't get you that ( >.< ) " or "what do you want for Christmas?......'nothing'"(yea you know you want something you just don't want to seem like you do.)

so... with that said, I'm trying to eliminate the lies out of our Christmas. SANTA.... doesn't exist in our house.... yea you can tell me I'm robbing my kids of a childhood right.... whatever... Christmas is about Jesus birth.... not some fat man we all lie to our kids about so that they can be disappointed and sad when they find out he is not real. yea... i remember that feeling.... i cried. and if we are trying to teach our children that lying is a bad thing, why would we lie to them and then later tell them that its OK that we did it? so that is lie number one that we eliminated. NEXT... instead of telling people i don't want anything... i sent a link to my man with the shoes that i want. and i told him what to put in my stocking.... he gets very frustrated trying to figure it out on his own.  and his family and mine pitched in so that we could get some much needed household items. . . but i flubbed on the other little lie. the man was trying to guess what he was getting... and he SORT of guessed right.... well he guessed half of it. and i said no. .  . . . . oops